Death & Decisions

Life never ceases to provide copious opportunities to examine our behaviors, be it our goals, choices, morals, or even things as banal as our cell phone provider.  The fools are not those who make poor (ignorant, hasty, or even selfish) decisions, but those who ignore the chance to reflect on them - or even worse, the chance to correct their own courses while they can.

First off, I am fine.  P is fine, and so is our immediate family (both the furry, and less furry variety).

However, this week has brought the loss of one of my Aunts.  Our relationship waxed and waned throughout the years, but having never had children of her own, she had always a certain amount of stake in my formative years (not to mention the endless bills for those early riding lessons).  If you live in the Idaho area (I say like that massive state can be relegated to one "area"), then you might have heard about the semi-freak traffic accident that took her life, but if not, I'm sure that's a vague enough description that you can fill in the blanks with whatever unexplained, bizarre, against all odds sort of sudden death you may be picturing.

The family, is of course reeling as it should.  And I am taking the time to examine my own life a bit closer.

For all of the love and respect that I have for my Aunt, I can't help but think about the many things I would have done differently and how I can only hope that when my time comes, I'm sitting in a very different situation than she was with regard to friends, family and loved ones.  Rear view mirrors tend to be helpful in these situations, so I mostly hope to gain some perspective and move forward.

Separate from the issues surrounding my Aunt's passing are some rather large internal arguments over what my own next moves are.  I am currently "out of love" with my job, but the ties to the family business are strong and aside from not wanting to divorce myself from it, the pragmatic voice in my clearly repeats that I obviously can't afford to let go of my salary at this point.

I've been debating the relative merits of some lifestyle changes. Ones that would allow for more personal time, but less cavalier spending (whether its tackoftheday.com or that extra girls weekend in Scottsdale)... but  I keep coming up empty.

On one hand, I adore the simple pleasures - keeping a meticulous home, cooking fantastic food and enjoying my horse in her (potentially less lavish barn).  But on the other, I also supremely value the time I spend exploring my city (and its pricier haunts) along with the frequent trips to not only wander new places, but keep close ties with old friends.  Both could be counted as superficial I suppose, but they speak to bigger values, both of local craft and long time relationships..

The two topics have collided as this morning I realized that I will be receiving what I consider to be a sizable inheritance.  It's not a change-the-world amount, but in all reality it could completely redefine my need to work in the foreseeable future (if I so choose).  Though I've never been in a situation like this before, living off a lump sum seems foreign and odd, so I'm sure I'll manage some way to reinvest a majority of the funds into the business and most of it away for many years down the road...

I clearly won't be making any decisions without much guidance from my family, lawyers and a financial adviser, but for the moment I'm in the rather unfamiliar position of potentially being able to actually have "what I want."  The tricky part, I suppose is trying to figure out what exactly that means.

For now, I'll be cherishing the days surrounded by family, taking stock of what I want and what I want to accomplish and maybe (just maybe) allowing myself a small splurge for Miss P.

(I must admit there's a fair amount of guilt radiating  from the old catholic side of the family - but it's really hard not to zone out of family conversations in favor of daydreaming about dream barns and days away from the office...)

I'm off to Idaho to circle the proverbial wagons, but I hope everyone has a safe and lovely 4th...

Out of Sight

You know the saying...

Budgeting.  Back in January I wrote this opus on my attempt to get P's bills under control. In reality, I did a pretty good job.  We cut way back on most of our "fun" spending (lessons, random bits o' tack, vet appointments, etc).  But unfortunately the trend didn't hold.

Not only am I forking over $$ for the mare to sit pretty at her summer home (which essentially has the added cost of full training), but she's getting regular massage treatments to assist with the muscle redevelopment along with some laser work to help reduce the scar tissue on her cute "lucky" knees.  All of these things are good things... and all of them are predicted costs that I factored into my decision before I committed to sending the mare away for a few months.

However, what I didn't count on, is that while the mare isn't totally "out of mind," the money that I'm spending is beyond "out of sight, out of mind."

It's so far removed from my daily life/conscious, that I forget I'm spending it and therefore am living a lifestyle that's just dandy for a young professional with no hobbies beyond barhopping and a slight shopping addiction - but my current habits are in no way, shape or form sustainable for a girl with a hobby that demands not only food, but shelter and constant care from an all-star cast of service providers...

The real problem is that when the mare is close, she takes up a lot of my time.  Time that could otherwise be used for meeting up with friends for drinks, shopping for things, taking yoga classes, traveling on the weekends, etc.

This works out great, since my daily time spent with P pretty much removes most opportunities for me to hemorrhage cash in other areas of my life.  Unfortunately, while I continue to shower P with love and dollars this summer, I have also freed up my dance card to keep myself busy with those other (non-horsey) pursuits that inevitably take a chunk out of the monthly cash flow.  Add to that the attempt to furnish a new house, plan a wedding and save for a (potentially over the top) honeymoon to Tanzania.... and I'm spent.  (literally).

What's a girl to do?

I might just have to start taking my credit cards OUT of my purse before leaving the house in the morning.

Also, I am considering some sturdy saddle racks that will not only display tack in my new (empty) living room, but also allow my otherwise unused leather goods to serve as functional seating.  It's sorta like a living room set... I mean... at least my black calfskin all matches?

See! I can think outside the box... how thrifty of me....

Super Supplements

Ah, the things I busy myself with while the pony is off on vacation...

Supplements.

Apparently, with the addition of scrumptious grass to nibble on all-the-live-long-day, the mare has decided that her SmartPak is no longer delicious or worth her time.  Fortunately, Cowboy Man has Platinum Performance that he's been offering to P instead of her regular supplements... and apparently the mare can't get enough. 

So, I called up Platinum Performance to chat with one of their reps about what's in P's current Pak, what she probably doesn't need and what would be an appropriate replacement. 

Their CJ formula is the closest match to what she's currently getting, but the little beast doesn't find it as tasty as the traditional formula (picky twit).... So they suggested compromising with a month supply of regular Platinum Performance alon with some tasters of CJ  in order to see if we can coax her over to the dark (less tasty/more expensive) side. 

I have to say that I was really impressed with Platinum's customer service.  I was able to provide them a list of the products that P has been choking down thus far and they gave me an instant comparison for what she was (and wasn't) getting. 

They were super friendly, generous with the samples and even threw in free shipping since I was a customer coming from SmartPak.    Also, I was surprised at how affordable it is. I guess I never really explored it, but I had always relegated Platinum's products in the "pricey to extremely ridiculous" range, but the fact of the matter is that the standard Performance product is way cheaper than what I've been spending on P's SmartPak and even the CJ formula isn't outta sight price-wise.

So, starting next week, P's regimen will drop to only getting the Platinum Performance and her Nano-E on top of just enough rice bran to act as a base.  Forage wise, the mare is on full pasture with some hay to nibble on at night if somehow she ends up hungry again.  This is probably the simplest feeding regimen she's had since I got her. (I have a self admitted issue with compulsively adding supplements without ever taking anything away..)

I really enjoyed my SmartPak, and I wouldn't rule out going back to them, but if I can accomplish 95% what I was trying to with Pia's massive Pak, for less money.. and with less hassle... I'll be a convert indeed.

Weekend Flurry

Somehow this weekend turned into a total flurry of productivity, which was pleasingly sprinkled with a few extra bright spots, which included our stop to see Miss P and check in with both Dr. Finn and Cowboy Man.

I knew that P still hadn't started her "training" per se, at least not anything beyond handling and working her slowly into the herd.  Apparently our trip was well timed, as P had just started really moving with the herd and incorporating herself more in the hours before we arrived.

In talking with Cowboy Man, it sounds like P's first few days of turn out with the herd, went as expected.  That is to say that P got her butt kicked.  She also spent most of her "turn out" oscillating between hovering on the outside of the group and scampering back to the barn to the relative safety of her smaller run and a barn buddy whom she had befriended.

Cowboy Man said that sort of tentative behavior is typical and can last anywhere from a few days, to a few months depending on the horse and how social they are.  Herds don't tolerate "wussy" behavior very well (apparently weak members attract predators... like llamas), so the more timid a new horse is, the more aggressively they tend to be run off.  Conversely, if a new horse comes in all puffed up and prancing, the herd tends to test them a little, then accept the newcomer more quickly.

Apparently, in spite of P's wussy, run back to the barn tendencies - on Saturday, she was able to start running with the herd.

When we showed up, she was grazing happily, and surrounded by other horses on all sides. (go mare!).

I'm not sure The Boy had even turned the truck all the way off before I was out of it and skipping through the field toward Miss P.  She just looked happy.

Supremely, calm, happy and relaxed.

Her stance is totally different, she's more balanced, less tense through her shoulder and standing much squarer on her front legs.  As a result, her neck/shoulder/back also look totally different.  I had a fleeting thought of "oh crap, there's no way my saddle is ever going to fit her ever again" before snapping back to reality and marveling at how much change could happen in such a short time.  Her weight looks fantastic, she's dirty (but shiny) and she has withers!

I tried to take pictures to show the difference (they all turned out terribly) but maybe you'll be able to see what I'm talking about.  It's crazy, and I'm sure there's even more change to come. 

She also has some battle scars.  Hair is missing everywhere.  her face, her neck, her legs... and she's got a mother of a hickey going on.  Apparently she "challenged" one of the geldings and he just latched on to her neck with his teeth.  For a while.  and didn't let go...  Now it's a swollen gross mess of a lump, but Dr. Finn has drained it twice and apparently it's starting to subside.

sick.

expected damages...

When I was satisfied that her wounds weren't life threatening (far from it), I started to notice how she was moving through the herd.  Just sitting in the field and watching the group flow around was a pretty cool experience that even The Boy could enjoy.  P was relaxed, but very aware of the other horses.  She deferred to them early and often, moving away whenever a high ranking horse moved into her space, or came to investigate the new people who were milling about. 

She did defend her humans (or more likely her peace-offering of carrots) from two of the herd members - the tiny pony, and one docile old mare.

Brave mare actually stood up to this little beast...

I was so distracted by loving on P, that I did a TERRIBLE job of documenting the interesting things like her feet and withers, and managed only to snuggle with her, poke at her hickey, chase the adorable pony around and finger comb P's somewhat matted tail.  P even rolled a few times, which was the first time in nearly 9 months I've seen her really roll.  Shame on me for not picking up on that change in behavior sooner...

Carrots and Loves

This little bugger nearly got put in the back to the truck and taken home...

After we ran out of treats, I said my goodbyes to P and piled back in the truck to take Cowboy Man and Dr. Finn out for a brunch.  A quick bite turned into three hours of thoughtful discourse on resource management, riding philosophy, war stories and a bit of talk about our plans for Pia.

I thoroughly enjoyed the time spent and was able to come away feeling even better about every cent that I'm spending for P's time over there.  It's not fancy, but she's getting incredible attention, her feet are on track, her body looks great and I can just tell that she's enjoying herself.  I cannot wait for our next visit, or for the day I leg back up onto her and we go for that first big trail ride...