Ultrasound Update - Cue Despair

Prair has been getting more than her fair share of attention from her arsenal of vets recently.  Aside from the check up on her Left Hind, our GP has been out to try and investigate her chronic diarrhea which has made a angry resurgence.

I'll start with the check up on her left hind, since that's most of the drama. 

We started by lunging Prair on a small circle, where, even with a heavy martini in her veins, she was still exhibiting Dragon-like-symptoms.  But once a bit settled, she looked great.

Both directions.

No limp, no shuffle, no quick step.  Sound.

So we flexed.

And that's where the wheels fell off the wagon. 

Her left fetlock flexion is still really positive.  She shows obvious discomfort at the flexion being held and the first two steps off the line looked nearly as bad as I remember eight and a half weeks ago when this adventure started. 

I almost canceled the Ultrasound since we knew it wasn't going to show brilliant progress, but I was too curious and too interested to delay the opportunity to get more information.

The (little bit) of good news is that general inflammation in the area is down.  There is still some edema around the suspensory, but less than there was 8 weeks ago.  The medial branch of the suspensory still shows a small area of disruption, but appears to be making (some) progress.  This would be great news f the DDFT was following suit, but the DDFT looks exactly the same as the images we saved from the previous ultrasound.

There is s slight line showing on the DDFT, which is likely a small split in the tendon.  We can't confirm exactly what or where without an MRI, but I'm still holding off on that procedure since confirming it's a split doesn't change any treatment plans. 

Essentially, the vet took one look and asked for two more months of stall rest followed by another ultrasound.  A pattern we would keep repeating until we see either improvement in healing or scar tissue form. 

crap

Obviously not what I wanted to hear.  I am extremely skeptical of miraculous healing when there hasn't been much indication of progress in the initial two months - especially when the structures received PRP and shockwave to invite progress with limited results...

So. 

There we are.  I spent the long drive home from the barn being fatalistic and trying to think about my (reasonable) options.  One thing I am fairly certain of is that if we can get meaningful healing, and Prair comes back sound on that limb, I don't think it's fair to ask her to jump (however small) again as her primary job.  Attempting to rehab her as a solid, exceptional Dressage mount for an Ammy seems more responsible. 

At this point (as in today, thought I'm sure I'll waffle on this), I still really want to jump, so if Dressage-Ammy-Mount was an option, I'd likely be looking for a home I trusted for the big mare.

Of course I have to consider the possibility that she won't be serviceably sound and think about what that means too. 

She's pretty, she has great bloodlines and two (stunning) babies on the ground, so we know she has value as a broodmare as well... it just seems too soon for her to become a professional mama.

Anyway, obviously for the time being some patience is probably what I need the most - but it's hard not to let my mind race a year down the road and wonder if I should try to move her now to a less expensive facility where she can enjoy her (extended) rest in a slightly more affordable fashion. 

Though my immediate reaction to that thought is concern over moving a horse that I want keen eyeballs on to a facility where the service level might be lower and the staff won't be familiar with her.... Not necessarily a great tradeoff, especially for peace of mind.

Lots of thinking to do, and thankfully a sunny, beautiful weekend coming up so I can wallow in my Mare Despair, probably with wine in hand

Ugh.

Making The Right Choice - Gus

As owners we make so many choices on behalf of our big lumbering animals that they don't really get to have a say on.  Where they live, what they eat, who they hang out with, what they do all day, what they wear and when, who else gets to work with them. 

Gus, in situ

Basically our horses are screwed if we're morons, selfish, or just incapable of making good decisions.  At least our spouses, friends and bosses can fire us if we're too obnoxious - but not our sweet ponies! they are stuck with our thoughts and decisions and bless them for their patience.

This responsibility is exactly what wakes me up at night every once in a while wondering if I should try a different treatment, supplement regimen or even discipline in order to be fair to my horses, but nowhere does this guilty conscious shout louder than when I'm looking for a new home for one of my horses. 

Admittedly I haven't sent that many horses down the road - and I've sent even fewer to homes and/or owners that I haven't had a 10+ year relationship with (really just 2).

So, there was a bit of trepidation when Gus loaded on the trailer last winter bound for a new home, in a new state with new people. 

But every time I hear from his new mom about how he's doing and what he's up to, I get that huge, massive sigh of relief that only comes when you know that your beloved pony found a home better than you could give him yourself. 

Gus. Is. Great.

He's also living the life most horses only dream of.  Huge green pastures, a nice turnout buddy, and most importantly a little girl to adore him. 

I should note all of these photos are from the farm his new family just moved to, I've been choking down my jealousy ever since they landed in my inbox. 

want want want

 

Gus Heaven

Gus House :)

 

I mean, I'm tempted to move out there myself.

But I can assure you, there are no 2am musings over whether or not I did right by Gus. 

Gus. Is. Great.

Time Warp

I think I might be embarrassed if read back and started seeing how many posts started with "oops, sorry for the absence" so I'm not going to check, I'm just going to say "oops, sorry for the absence"

Firmly in the category of nobody-really-cares-cause-where-are-the-horse-pictures, The Boy forced/convinced/made me go back to Boston last weekend for my 10 year college reunion.  Now I'm sure some of you are like "OLD LADY GO HOME" and others are thinking "10 years, cute, call me when you go to your 20, or 30... or whatever.."  but omg REUNION = hysterical.  wildly entertaining

In retrospect I should have made a College BINGO card because I'm certain a) I would have won (and I like winning) and b) um... it would have been fun.

Somehow in 36 hours, we (we being my old housemates and I) ticked off all major college experiences and somehow managed to get ourselves back on our respective planes and back to real life.  Now, we came back mostly exhausted and slightly worse for the wear, but still - success.  However I've been playing catch up all week and haven't had a chance to talk about the Mare at all.

I could report on what staying in dorms is like in your 30's (gross, but fun if you're slightly drunk) and if anyone needs a recommendation for a pair of nude wedges that won't kill your feet when you end up in them from 4pm-4am, but shoes reviews are not as fun as tack reviews so I'll skip that. 

I will however sum up the experience buy clarifying that it is always funny to watch friends make out in common rooms, always appropriate to sneak whiskey into campus events and always smart to end the night/start the morning with buffalo chicken calzones (why the rest of the country doesn't offer this delicacy is beyond me).

If I did have time to talk about the mare it would have been this "She's fat.  She likes hand grazing"

That's it.  We are 2 weeks away from our 8 week ultrasound (god it sounds more like she's pregnant, than a sport horse) which aside from being closer than I thought also means I should pay my last vet bill before I ask my vet to take more pictures of my mare again.  (face palm).

My catch ride lessons continue to be really productive (and also exhausting AF) but I'm eager to get the mare back, so I really, really, really hope I get my mare back soon.

Time for a nap.

The Psychic. Finally

Everyone has been so patient waiting for this post, I apologize for being so tardy.  I don't even really have an excuse. I mean... It's not like I have all this fascinating content about shows, or tack, or anything-other-than-hand-grazing to discuss so really just a blogger fail.

Last week, I finally had my long awaited appointment with the Animal Communicator (I've heard they don't like being called psychics..).  At the start of the call I told her that I was calling with regard to Prairie, a horse, who is a 10 year old black, Hanoverian mare.  Oh, and she's 17 hands. 

That's it.  No description of our discipline, injuries, schedules, history, anything.  I suppose it's possible she googled the blog in the first 30 seconds, but it seems somewhat unlikely. 

Anyway, so we began.  When I started to offer context for some of her initial observations, I was cut off and told not to tell her anything.  This being our first call, she really wanted to just tell me what she saw without any input from my end.  If I thought she had chops and wanted to get more specific in future sessions, I could, but no "helping" during this conversation.

So I shut up and started taking notes.

I'm not really too sure how to structure this post, so I'm just going to copy and paste my notes, somewhat reorganized into categories, and then I'll offer you my thoughts at the end? For those of you who know Prair personally (or have just read long enough to know the drama), some will resonate.


Personality:

Beautiful.  Confident.  Aloof.  Knows she’s beautiful, thinks that’s her job. 

Feels like royalty.  Used to being respected in the herd, expects to be respected by people, friendly on her terms, like a cat.  Her kindness must be earned.

Loves me, though she doesn’t show it.. I exist to serve her. She likes being elegant. Thinks her job is to be exquisite.   Doesn’t want to hurt me.  Knows I want the best for her.

Previous trainer didn’t understand her and didn’t want to learn.  Likes her trainer now, knows she won’t get hurt. Appreciates the softness.

Someone pushed her too far too fast.

She has an intensity about her and she wants to do well at her work.  Strong work ethic doesn’t like to be wrong.

Important for me not to get mad at mistakes, but smile and stay positive.  The mad makes her panicky.  She needs to know it’s ok to make a mistake and she won’t be hurt.  I tense because I was given unrealistic expectations as a child and hate not being perfect.  So I have to change my response to mistakes first.

History:

Someone in Germany was rough with her at 3.  There was a rope around her neck.  It hurt.  They jammed a bit in her mouth and hurt her TMJ, still tight on the left. She had pain in her neck and head for 2 months.  It was a man – 6’ tall, brown hair, light brown eyes.  He also rammed a crop into her neck – C5 vertebrae.

Trusts women more than men.

A Big Bay horse told her to put up with humans, and that doing what they want is easier. 

She has had 3 significant owners. And I’ve had her 4 years.

Friends:

She’s the third horse on the left.  And likes being in the center of the barn.

Two Bay horses in the barn adore her.  One is the Bay horse next to her, he’s very pretty and would take a bullet for her. She likes him too but doesn’t show it. Prairie worries about his hind legs.

There is also a Chestnut who likes her, but he is farther away.

Physical:

Some issues in her teeth – upper right in the back.  Uncomfy.

Pain btw her shoulder blades.

Cardio is ok, she doesn’t think either of us are built to jump big fences.

I tilt left, and curl my toes (tight thighs) and sometimes am too far forward. The man who hurt her would tense his thighs and then get mad at her, that’s why she hates tension. She likes me to stay loose so she knows she’s not going to get hurt.

Injured her RF coffin years ago (like 5). All healed now.

Loves Theresa’s bodywork, wants to see her more often.

Back is main physical issue.  She maybe slid in pasture (but didn’t fall) and then got almost cast, but when she got up was in a lot of pain.  Left rear leg injury comes from her back.

Hind end pain, lower back/SI referring pain to her left lower hip/rump

There was a shoeing issue in her RH 3.5 years ago. White line on her RH is different than the others, caused her to stand on her LF too much and caused soft tissue damage.

Has stomach issues, hormone problems, HUGE follicle right now.

Left ovary is going nuts right now.

_____________________________________________________

Okay, so let's digest.  If I hadn't collapsed this across topic, you'd see that the call started out with a physical rundown, followed by some of Prair's childhood, followed by her friends in the barn, followed by her attitude toward work and trainers, followed by her opinion of me, followed by the Communicator's assertion I have Daddy issues. 

Honestly, I lot of it was ringing very true until I was told that my Father had unrealistic expectations of me as a child and I carry that into my riding.  I suppose it's true that my family has had high expectations, but never, at any point did I feel like a failure, or unworthy, or that what I was doing wasn't enough.  I do like being the best at things (even if that thing is a cross pole division), but I digress.  Long story short - if we hadn't touched on Daddy Issues, I would have hung up feeling totally spooked out. 

Here are the same notes again, but with my commentary:

 

Personality:

Beautiful.  (Duh, everyone thinks their kid is pretty, but she is) Confident.  Aloof.  Knows she’s beautiful, thinks that’s her job.  (LOL).

Feels like royalty.  Used to being respected in the herd, expects to be respected by people, friendly on her terms, like a cat.  Her kindness must be earned. This Rings true to me.  She's always been lead mare in the groups I've had her in, and was told she led the mare band at her previous home.

Loves me, though she doesn’t show it.. I exist to serve her.(typical mare..) She likes being elegant. Thinks her job is to be exquisite(Maybe she does like the hunters?).   Doesn’t want to hurt me.  Knows I want the best for her.

Previous trainer didn’t understand her and didn’t want to learn. (If this is the most recent previous trainer, I think they didn't get along, but I'm not sure that she "didn't want to learn")   Likes her trainer now, knows she won’t get hurt. Appreciates the softness. This I believe, there's very little "punishment" in our program now and Prair seems much softer.

Someone pushed her too far too fast. N has always said this.  and it makes sense to me.  Especially being sold young in Germany at auction and then being in a big sales barn here..

She has an intensity about her and she wants to do well at her work.  Strong work ethic doesn’t like to be wrong. She's a quick study under saddle, both trainers I've had with her have said she tries to be right.

Important for me not to get mad at mistakes, but smile and stay positive.  The mad makes her panicky.  She needs to know it’s ok to make a mistake and she won’t be hurt.  I tense because I was given unrealistic expectations as a child and hate not being perfect.  So I have to change my response to mistakes first.  Ugh, daddy issues.  But I'm sure there's some truth here, when things go wrong I tend to ride HARDER and MAKE it work.  Probably not the best plan with Prair

History:

Someone in Germany was rough with her at 3.  There was a rope around her neck.  It hurt.  They jammed a bit in her mouth and hurt her TMJ, still tight on the left. She had pain in her neck and head for 2 months.  It was a man – 6’ tall, brown hair, light brown eyes.  He also rammed a crop into her neck – C5 vertebrae.  I have no idea who had her in Germany, but her left TMJ is constantly tighter than the right and that left shoulder is always taught.

Trusts women more than men. Truth.

A Big Bay horse told her to put up with humans, and that doing what they want is easier.  lol

She has had 3 significant owners. And I’ve had her 4 years. I've had her 3.5

 Friends:

She’s the third horse on the left.  And likes being in the center of the barn. UMMMMM creepy. yes, she is. and I'm pretty sure I've never posted about this ever.  And there's no stall diagram of the barn on the web.... if I have someone tell me because this one SPOOKED ME

Two Bay horses in the barn adore her.  One is the Bay horse next to her, he’s very pretty and would take a bullet for her. She likes him too but doesn’t show it. Prairie worries about his hind legs.  there is an EXTREMELY attractive bay gelding next door to prair who she often stables next to at shows.  He is adorable, I don't know why she's worried bout his legs but that's sweet.

There is also a Chestnut who likes her, but he is farther away. This seems like a safe general statement to make, but her other travel buddy (and lesson buddy) is a HUGE chestnut who lives in the back barn

Physical:

Some issues in her teeth – upper right in the back.  Uncomfy. OK. Who knows. will have dentist look next time he's out.

Pain btw her shoulder blades. Does her early Kissing Spine count?

Cardio is ok, she doesn’t think either of us are built to jump big fences. It's true, Prair is probably not built for huge fences, but I take slight offense that she doesn't think I am... rude. Also, didn't tell her we jumped (sometimes).

I tilt left, and curl my toes (tight thighs) and sometimes am too far forward. The man who hurt her would tense his thighs and then get mad at her, that’s why she hates tension. She likes me to stay loose so she knows she’s not going to get hurt. I tend to collapse my right side.. so this might be off, but maybe she feels me push left?  curling my toes=tense thighs, and no one has EVER accused me of being too far forward before.  We have certainly learned that the mare doesn't like it when you brace against her... so the notion that it's a PTSD response from someone being rough makes some sense to me.  N and I have to just fake it when we get in a tight spot and pretend its fine.  If we tense and try to override the mare grabs her butt and leaves the scene.

Injured her RF coffin years ago (like 5). All healed now. okay....

Loves Theresa’s bodywork, wants to see her more often. who doesn't like their masseuse? though I didn't tell her we had one.  She described her hair and that she liked her "hard pets"

Back is main physical issue.  She maybe slid in pasture (but didn’t fall) and then got almost cast, but when she got up was in a lot of pain.  Left rear leg injury comes from her back. Her back is most definitely her main issue.  The notion of slipping and almost falling makes sense to me, I tweak my own back like that all the time.

Hind end pain, lower back/SI referring pain to her left lower hip/rump Her SI gets angry when her back is weak, we've injected it once.

There was a shoeing issue in her RH 3.5 years ago. White line on her RH is different than the others, caused her to stand on her LF too much and caused soft tissue damage. Our soft tissue injury last year was on the LF, so that was spooky.  Her RH hoof has always been different, we struggled with more distortion in that foot when I was trimming her, though it hasn't been an issue in a while.

Has stomach issues, hormone problems, HUGE follicle right now.  Stomach and hormones are a constant struggle with this mare (but that's true of lots).

Left ovary is going nuts right now. Mine too. lol.

__________________________________________________

So there you have it.  30 minutes, $120 dollars and a lot of fun.  I'm not sure there's much in here that is revolutionary for me, but lots of it resonates with my experience with the mare.  I was talking with The Boy about this after I got a raised eyebrow explaining the Visa bill... and he had a good observation that even if this is total crap and completely bogus, if there is information that allows you to approach your horse with more patience, or a different energy, or less frustration - then that is probably worth it. 

I mean, we spend thousands on our training and clinics and shows to get people's opinions and words of wisdom hoping for that one golden nugget that allows us to relax our hips, or loosen our shoulders or finally NOT FREAK OUT about that one freaky jump... So, if this is what allows me to finally be softer with Prair when she's being a moron.. then it's got value.

Though I gotta say, that third stall on the left business really makes me put a little more weight in the other comments...

Communicator did say we often complicate what our animals are trying to tell us..

I am likely to sign up for a second call with the specific agenda of why Prair hates heavy traffic at shows, and whether or not she likes her job.... I mean why not.  Although I will wait to see if our  leg is healing first.  If she's just blowing holes in ligaments then there's no reason to worry about whether or not she likes being a Hunter....