Thursday, April 29, 2010

Ups and Downs

It's been a hard week.  Not disasterous, but hard.  So many things are clicking in my brain about just not "seeing" P's condition, or not recognizing it for what it was, that it's depressing.  I feel guilty that I was getting after her when she probably had no idea what was going on, and even now I can see how her bucks and hops on the lunge result from her being off balance and are her way of "catching" herself.

Tuesday I picked up a couple consignment saddles in an attempt to a) find something that fits me and Pia. and b) keep me thinking happy thoughts about riding instead of surgery. 

Turns out the process of taking them out, putting them on and then watching P wobbler-shuffle around was the most depressing thing about this yet.  I pulled her tack, put her away and just sat there in her stall trying to think of what next.

The only thing I could think of was emailing Dr. Grant again, in order to get his input, which was basically "stop wasting time and diagnose your horse."  I called Fleck's place shortly after and we are currently scheduled to take Pia in for the radiographs a week from tomorrow.  Apparently they need the big machine for her neck so it's off to the clinic for us...  I had said I was going to wait for bloodwork, but since we're 99% sure its not EPM, I think I need to move forward.  It's endlessly frustrating to know something is wrong and feel like I'm not getting any closer to understanding what it is.

In the meantime, I'm playing it safe and not riding.  P is getting lots of treats instead and I returned the saddles today. :(

I'm looking forward to a more confirmed diagnosis so that I can start to understand what a realistic timeline is for us, and mentally prepare.  Right now I'm just frustrated and sad. 

Leg on, right?

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